Scientology Lies

Ulrika Jonsson

I'm proud to say that when the whole Cruise-Holmes affair kicked off, I wasn't one of those who wrote it off as a publicity stunt.

Now the happy couple are expecting a baby, I bet all those cynics are feeling almost as small as Tom.

But that doesn't mean I think the unseemly race to parenthood isn't bonkers. Don't get me wrong, I've done more than my fair share of "rushing into" things.

But one minute Katie's that nice young girl from Dawson's Creek, vowing to stay a virgin 'til she's wed. Now she hasn't even named the day and she's in the club.

She's moving faster than I do!

The difference is I never had to run my romantic game plan past a bunch of weirdo cult elders. Or produce a baby to order.

Silent

To top it all, Katie has to satisfy Tom's Scientology principles by remaining silent while giving birth!

I suspect this may turn out to be good practice for what is required when you are married to Tom Cruise. He's 17 years her senior, clearly a control freak and I reckon he prefers his women young, obedient and mostly ... yes, silent. After 11 years of marriage and two children, it was only when Nicole Kidman's profile began to equal his that he baled out. Now he has found himself a blank canvas- a virgin whose career success is pretty much in his gift.

I don't doubt they're in love. Really, I don't. Tom behaves like a 12-year-old round her, which is rather charming, if a bit odd.

But Katie seems so young and vulnerable. I wonder if she is worldly enough to satisfy a man so experienced and powerful. I mean, you can only do so much "nice and sweet" before you have to tell him who's really boss. If this relationship is to have a chance she should start as she means to go on and tell him where he can stick all that rubbish about drug-free labour and silent childbirth.

Apparently Scientologists believe that too much maternal racket could "traumatise the child".

If he's such a believer, maybe Cruise would like to show her how it's done-by keeping schtum while a melon is shoved up his nether regions as she pushes out their baby.

I doubt sweet Katie knows what she's letting herself in for- she'll be too dazzled by her bright future.

But it doesn't bode well when the father of your baby publicly denounces Brooke Shields for having post-natal depression, saying he doesn't believe in it.

Freedom

I wish Katie well. But I'm afraid that no amount of glitz, glamour or even love will compensate for such a total loss of personal freedom.

And if Tom insists on this ludicrous silent childbirth plan, this is what I'd do, Katie.

Agree, as long as he assists you in keeping quiet - by putting his hand in your mouth.