Are YOU an Unwitting Scientologist?

According to some sources, if you've ever read Dianetics, taken a Scientology course, or done any auditing, Scientology considers you a member . That means they probably consider me a Scientologist, although I am not one.

Actually, it gets even more interesting. The cookie-cutter web pages include the following chunk of legalese:

Scientologist is a collective membership mark designating members of the affiliated churches and missions of Scientology.

A "collective membership mark" usually helps identify members in good of a particular profession or organization - like "realtor". So if the Scientology lawyers have their way, I could only go around saying I was a Scientologist if I'm a member in good standing (which I'm not, since I've become a critic of Scientology policies, and that's a big no-no in Scientology). However, when they make their inflated claims about how many members they have, they can still include me!

Well, screw that. As far as I'm concerned, I decide whether I'm a Scientologist or not. I emphatically am NOT one.

If you are a Scientologist

You may be interested in my Truth About Scientology site, which has information on alterations of the tech, C of S statistics (based on completions lists published in Scientology magazines), and outpoints with C of S management.

As for me - I'd like you to know that I have nothing against you. I respect your right to believe whatever you wish, including things that I find unbelievable.

I believe that most people who are drawn to Scientology are idealistic and good-hearted. I know my idealism had a lot to do with my initial interest in Scientology. Therefore, I assume that individual Scientologists are well-intentioned, unless they prove to me that they're not.

I do expect everyone to respect the law, though, especially the laws that protect the lives, health, and well-being of individuals, and the laws that govern the financial contributions we all make to the common good (you know, tax laws). I don't believe religious belief gives anyone the right to violate the life, health, or well-being of another person. That's why I'm picketing Scientology - I believe the corporation is breaking the law and showing contempt for the well-being of other people ... possibly including you.

I believe that the Scientology organization is corrupt and dangerous because of its overwhelming greed. That's why I spell Scientology with a dollar sign. However, I respect your personal beliefs, and I try to be sure to always spell Scientologist without one.

I wish you success in your quest to make the world a better place.

/ Cookie-Cutter Parody Top

This page was last updated on November 21, 1999.