Jon Carroll is a much-beloved columnist for the San Francisco Chronicle (aka the SF Comical). His column appears Monday-Friday on the back page of the entertainment section, which is usually the back page of the entire paper.

He writes about stuff. Occasionally he rants, but frequently he "woolgathers." He writes about his cats. He writes about his garden. He writes about interesting arts events in the Bay Area, odd little news items, whatever strikes his fancy. He is an avid collector of mondegreens (misheard song lyrics or phrases, like "'Scuse me while I kiss this guy"; see http://www.sfgate.com/columnists/carroll/mondegreens.shtml) and bizarrely translated instructions.

He recently (May 17) wrote a story about San Francisco's Reading Wizard, an 11-year-old boy who wanted to run his own reading program for kids at the library. When the library said, sorry, no, we have our own programs with screening in place and stuff, the kid went to his favorite city legislator and then to the mayor. He finally got his way.

Paragraph four of that column (readable in full at http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?file=/chronicle/archive/1999/05/17/DD41781.DTL ) read thusly:

Libraries also have rules about reading programs, because if they didn't, every sex criminal, psychotic and Scientologist might eventually get the notion they could promote their sundry agendas by reading to preschoolers. Imagine if that happened; imagine the outrage.

That was the sole reference to Scientologists in the column.

(Note: The punctuation is a little odd; a sidebar for Mr. Carroll's column once read: "The best argument for the serial comma: 'I'd like to thank my parents, God and L. Ron Hubbard.'")

Jeff Quiros, my very own Scientology pal (I know, I have a lot of them now, don't I?) (and he's also my personal nomination for #1 at the someday-to-be-posted OSA Hunks page) (oh and let's not forget the time he drove 4 1/2 hours to trespass at Grady Ward's home), OSA SF, wrote the following charming letter to the SF Chronicle Datebook in reply:

SCIENTOLOGY DEFENDED

Editor -- I wonder what band of cave-dwellers Jon Carroll was attempting to appeal to with his bigoted remarks about Scientologists (``Contrarian Harrumphing,'' May 17).

He obviously wasn't trying to reach the hundreds of thousands of Bay Area residents who have honestly studied the writings of L. Ron Hubbard and successfully applied Scientology's principles to their lives and businesses.

He certainly couldn't have been writing to the community leaders in the Tenderloin who for years have worked with Scientologists to clean up the neighborhood.

He couldn't even have been reaching for readers who don't have any experience with Scientologists. Most people are tolerant of the religious beliefs of others and know that such prejudice comes from abject ignorance.

THE REV. JEFF QUIROS

Director of Special Affairs Church of Scientology San Francisco

(I'm guessing he didn't write the headline - everyone knows one must always attack, never defend.)

Oh, and Jeff - remarks? Plural? Try 'single inference in passing'. Better yet, try 'something that probably nobody noticed until you pointed it out.'

I dashed off a reply to Jeff's reply; I doubt the Chron will publish it, although if they get another letter from a Scientologist to match it up with, perhaps they will.

Mine went something like this:

When Rev. Quiros (Letters, May 25) mentions those who have "successfully applied Scientology's principles to their lives and businesses," I think of Bay Area Scientologists like Susan Meister and Rodney Rimando, who died under suspicious circumstances in Scientology quarters; Vaughn Young and Jesse Prince, who attained high-ranking positions in Scientology before being incarcerated in Scientology's punishing "rehabilitation" camp in the California desert; Dorothy Geary, who was held against her will until the FBI got involved; and Wayne Whitney, who picketed Scientology for months seeking a promised refund of tens of thousands of dollars.

I think of businesses like Applied Materials, sued for imposing religious Scientology training on its employees, and Cocolat, which lost key personnel and finally folded after Scientology training was instituted.

My personal experience with Scientologists has been of good-hearted, dedicated people, some of whom are led to unethical or illegal acts by a criminal organization that has deceived them. The Scientologists who have been picketing my home for the past month are good people who have been lied to.

San Francisco was forever scarred by the tragedy of the Jonestown massacre. It is experience, not ignorance, that inspires critics to decry Scientology's dark side. When Scientology stops breaking the law and hurting people, perhaps its reputation will improve.

Kristi Wachter
San Francisco
www.scientology-lies.com

The Chron did not run my letter.